Outside Looking In
by Princess of Random
Summary: Years later events force Draco to look back. 3rd part, Draco's POV, I would greatly appreciate opinions on my writing style for this one


disclaimer; sadly I do not own Harry Potter. If I did this wouldn't be FAN fiction.

Author note; third installment beginning with Comfort. I didn't expect this little plot bunny to twist itself into existence but I'm not complaining I enjoyed writing it. It was only supposed to be a one shot with no sequels but I think I MIGHT have one more connected plot running around in this head of mine. It might take me a while to catch it though as there is a lot of space to run around in up there. We'll see. Anyway let me know what you think of this, we finally get to Draco's POV. Special note to my fellow authors; the events and timeline I have crafted for this set of fics has forced Draco to be a very subtle person and in keeping with that aspect of his personality I have tried to keep the writing of the events subtle, indirectly revealing what has happened, let me know if I pulled it off as well as I hope I have.

Random rant: don't ever believe that conformity is always the best way to go.

Random quote: "I tawt I taw a putty tat…I did, I did"  -Tweety Bird

That night as you turned to leave images came to me of the two of us sitting together under the sun at a park, rushing through the rain without an umbrella, me holding you as we sat in front of the fire at Christmas, children with red hair and gray eyes and in those eyes that same spark of mischief I see when I look at you. I reached for you not wanting that time to end, wanting to make those visions a reality; and then more images came to me, my father throwing unforgivables and other horrific dark curses I would not have even be able to describe to some one as innocent as you, I saw your eyes looking at me, the spark of mischief gone, empty of the light that is you. I knew then no matter how much I wanted to shut out the rest of the world I would not be able to close that door on my father and his retribution. You had just given me the greatest gift I had ever received and I was not going to repay that with selfish actions that would likely get you killed. So instead of begging you to stay with me I wrapped my arms around you, breathed you in, hoping that would keep with me for the rest of my life, thanked you then slipped my ring off my finger and into your pocket. Before I let you walk out of that door and my life I somehow wanted to convey what you had given me. I wanted you to know that you had given me a dream that I would be able to cherish during the nightmares I was soon going to live through, a peace that I have looked in on within myself and said I can not live this but I will do everything to ensure you can. When I think back to what I did say to you the expression 'words pale in comparison' comes to mind. 'I'll have something to go to sleep to in the world out there,' simple words that did not come close to how I felt, but somehow I think you understood even though at that moment words were inadequate. I told you not to look back and I don't think you did, though I'm sure you never forgot me. I remember your graduation day so well; you were beautiful. I timed my visit to the Headmaster to make sure I would be able to watch. Because of you I had gone to the Headmaster the day of my graduation.

"Mr. Malfoy, what can I do for you?" He asked, even though I got the distinct impression that he knew everything.

I did not hesitate; I came for a reason, my decision already made. A decision I did not remember making but which seemed instinct more than anything else. "Tomorrow I will be summoned with my father to Voldemorts side. I'll take the dark mark and become a deatheater." I paused for one brief moment, bracing myself and maintaining eye contact, I continued. "You can either have me arrested or allow me to spy for you."

"Well Mr. Malfoy, if you wish to spy against Voldemort why not go to the Ministry?"

I glared at him. "I'm sure you're well aware that Voldemort has spies within the Ministry. If I go to them he will know and I'll be killed before the sun hits the horizon."

"Is that the only reason?" I distinctly remember the twinkle in his eye when he asked me that. The crazy old man was insufferable; he seemed bound and determined to prolong my discomfort. The old coot knew why and I would have bet my life on it. I pinned him with a disparaging look before turning and looking out of a window. I heard the feet of his chair scrape along the floor before he spoke again. "I'm sure there are few among us who will be so ready to accept what you wish to do for us without suspicion."

I turned sharply to Dumbledor. "No one will know."

"Perhaps young Ms…"

"This will remain between the two of us." I interrupted him before he could get your name out. When I look back now I know he wanted more than for me to admit the connection between the two of us, I believe he was trying to make me admit out loud that I was in love with you. He wanted more than for me to funnel information to him, he wanted me to think of things after this war, to make plans to live in the light. I knew then that after the war no one bearing the name Malfoy would ever be regarded as anything but corrupt and disloyal by both sides. The end of the war will bring the end of my time in your life, either by death, Azkaban, or my departure from this country. Dumbledor and I reached a silent agreement that day; whatever happens, no one not even should it mean my innocents or guilt in a trial, will know of my assistance to the side of light.

It still pains me to think about the day you graduated, I am sure you never told The Boy Wonder what we did that night so when he confronted me outside of Dumbledors office for one terrifying moment I believed that one of us had given something away. Then I realized had that been the case one of us would be dead by now. I watched you step up to the rest of your life from the corner. I was talking quietly in a corner with Severus when I saw Potter propose to you; I knew it was coming but I still felt the loss of you. Potter, much as I despise him, has been able to give you the kind of life you deserve. He can accompany you to your family's home for the holidays, give you children, walk with you in the light of day, be wed to you in a ceremony surrounded by your family. All these thoughts whirling through my mind, and none of them showed on my face, no one will ever know. You were married three-months later in a very public ceremony. You and your husband did not find out until weeks later about the plans to assassinate you both. Half of the deatheaters sent to attack your wedding were caught before they could signal the rest; another four were killed when they attempted to fight back, no auror ever stepped forward to claim responsibility for sending the killing curse at Goyle, the fourth to die. The buffoon was arrogant enough to believe that he could curse both you and Potter without giving our position away and getting the two of us caught. I put on my invisibility cloak and moved closer to the ceremony and away from the empty face of the man who was once my friend keeping a close eye on the proceedings; wanting so see you as you left the wedding circle, eye's alight and your face glowing, I envied Potter, likely more than I'll ever admit to even myself.

For most of the past three and a half years since then my father lived in exile, keeping company only with the most vicious criminals of Voldemorts ranks who were also cast from the proper side of society, still managing to sneak in and renew the curse on my mother whom you had convinced me to live for; until last week, when he made a misstep that was long past overdue. Sometime before I had returned to the manor he must have snuck in and in his insanity, or perhaps desperation, tried to take my mother. His carelessness had aurors there in moments, hexes were cast and curses thrown, particularly vicious ones, in the end the only way for them to stop my father was to cast the killing curse. The curse somehow claimed them both when my father tried to use her as a shield.

His actions unavoidably brought the aurors suspicious eyes back to me, which is the only thing that has saved me from answering the Dark Lords summons. I find it ironic that the very aurors who wish to send me to Azkaban have unwittingly saved my life. Had I been forced to go before the Dark Lord without the benefit of this time to think through what I must do, I doubtless would have done something that would have gotten me killed. As it is my mother is gone and you were lost to me long ago. I shall continue to impede the Dark Lord in what ways I can, but now without the hope of my mother recovering from the curse I have nothing left for myself. I know without any hope of happiness for my future I will become reckless in order to do what will need to be done, it will unquestionably cost me my life, and I do not care.

Today at my mothers funeral I saw you for the first time since your wedding, you are still as beautiful as I remember. I have no idea how you convinced your husband to attend the funeral nor do I truly care. When you passed in the line of mourners you let the typical sympathies roll off your tongue, what made them different from all the others was the sincerity, the honesty that has always been there and hopefully always will.

I nodded to you both. "Potter, Virginia."

"Draco." You said my name with tears in your eyes.

"Good-bye, Virginia" I'm sure to the others around us the statement sounded curt but I am just as certain you understood it for what it was. I was not just saying 'see you around'; this would in all probability be the last time you would see me alive. I saw you struggle to hold the tears, but I would not let it move me. I kept the facade; you still managed to see through. You were there, in my soul, until the day it would leave this Earth. You blinked, the moment was gone and you continued down the procession, Potter following at your heals after sending me one last glare. I smiled sardonically to myself, I can't help but wonder what your dear husband will say when he finds out how my will distributes the Malfoy estate. My eyes light up with true amusement when I try to imagine what your brother will think or, better yet, say. I sober immediately upon thinking of you, hoping that my final gift will lay past ghosts to rest.


End file.
